Jasmine Fogwell
 
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Who am I?

I read a book recently called My Ideal Bookshelf in which cultural leaders throughout the world share books that would be on their ideal bookshelf: books that define their dreams, ambitions and in many ways help them find their way in the world. In a sense, these books define pieces of who they are.

Here is my ideal bookshelf and some of my favorite quotes from the books.

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I don't read the Bible nearly as much as I should, but I believe what it says to be true and I try to live my life in a way that reflects the words of this book.

When I was a kid I hated reading. One summer, when our family was heading out to the cottage, I noticed that my mom had a book with her. Shocked, I asked, "Why are you reading in the summer?" I'm not sure of the reason for this dislike of reading because I loved stories, but I think perhaps I was just slow at learning how to read. I have a vivid memory of sitting on the
living room couch trying desperately to get through a chapter in Ramona. I was not allowed to go and play until I finished what I needed to for school. It was agony! But when I got to high school, Frank Peretti's book, This Present Darkness, caught my interest and I couldn't put it down. This book changed my opinion on reading forever. 

One of my favorite authors is
C.S. Lewis. As a kid I remember Mom reading the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe to my sisters and me, but I didn't realize the extent of the world of Narnia until college. Lewis is an incredible writer and his unique way of weaving truth into stories is matched by very few others. I enjoy children's fiction. The Chronicles of Narnia are some of my favourites.

When I started writing in a journal, I began exploring putting my feelings into words. I found it quite difficult because I had never done this before. In many ways, language seemed to do an injustice to how I felt. Through a recommendation by a friend, I read The Secret Life of Bees. In
the pages of this book, author Sue Monk Kidd seemed to describe exactly how I felt. The change that happens within the characters is described in a way that I didn't know was possible to do with a story. I clung to the words used to describe the doubts, fears and insecurities of the main character, Lily, because they were mine as well. In a way, it began my own journey of 'coming of age.'

Then I went to L'abri, a study community in the Swiss Alps. I must confess I have never read the book of how this community began, but the three and a half years I spent there changed my life. Three of the most memorable and life changing books I read while there, were Decision Making and the Will of God by Gerry Friesen, Sources of the Self by Charles Taylor, and On Knowing God by Jerry Gill.  Between Friesen's book and a lot of discussion with a tutor, I came to a better understanding of what 'the will of God' means. Who am I? We have all asked that question. I read Taylor's book when the identity question was uncomfortably rattling around inside me. Going through the long, wordy philosophical history of 'the self,' somehow seemed to aid in answering that question. Jerry Gill's book is probably the most unattractive looking book I have ever seen. My tutor recommended it to me and I admit, I judged the book by its cover. It is off-white (I am unsure whether it is from age or it is on purpose) with a brown strip across the bottom and the words are written in bright blue. I took a deep breath and began reading. I was wrong. This book was the most incredible book I have ever read. It presents critical philosophy and then critiques it and offers some new and, I think, truer ways of looking at the world around us.  

Another book that I came across at L'abri was The Book of Common Prayer. What I like about this book is that it offers words to pray about a lot of different aspects of life. They are well thought out words and ones people have used for centuries. When I pray the prayers I feel like I belong to and am participating in something much greater than just my own little world.

"I've read this book partway through about three times.  I just can't finish it because it is so great and I don't want the story to end." The book this enthusiastic Seattleite was referring to was Lonesome Dove.  Every time I saw her reading it she was lost in the Wild Western frontier of Texas. I had to read this book! She was right. What an incredible story. Author Larry McMurtry is very gifted. He has a unique way of describing characters and their relationships with each other while still moving the story forward.
After nearly one thousand pages, I still wanted to keep reading. Luckily, a few years later I realized there were three other books in the series.  

I love reading to my nephew. We were all at Grandma and Grandpa's house and it was my turn to read to him before bed. He came back with a stack of books for Aunty Rad (that's me) to read to him. One of them was the Dr. Seuss book, Oh! The Places You'll Go! and it has become my favourite.  First, because Dr. Seuss books are just fun to read, and second, the experiences described in it are realistic ones we all have throughout life: decision-making, waiting, loneliness, adventure and excitement.

Some of my favorite quotes from my ideal bookshelf


"
And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be taxed. (And this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.) And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city. And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:) To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child. And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us." The Bible, KJV - Luke 2:1-15

"August slid up to the edge of her chair and opened her arms...I leaned into them, felt them close around me.  One thing is beautiful beyond my words to say it: August holding you.
    I was pressed so close to her I felt her heart like a small throbbing pressure against my chest.  Her hands rubbed my back.  She didn't say, come on now, stop crying, everything's going to be okay,  which is the automatic thing people say when they want you to shut up.  She said, "It hurts, I know it does.  Let it out.  Just let it out."
    So I did.  With my mouth pressed against her dress, it seemed like I drew up my whole lifeload of pain and hurled it into her breast, heaved it with the force of my mouth, and she didn't flinch.
    She was wet with my crying.  Up around her collar the cotton of her dress was plastered to her skin.  I could see her darkness shining through the wet places.  She was like a sponge, absorbing what I couldn't hold anymore.
    Her hands felt warm on my back, and every time I paused to sniff and gasp for a little air, I heard her breathing.  Steady and even.  In and out.  As my crying wound down, I let myself be rocked in her breathing
    Finally I pulled back and looked at her, dazed by the force of what had erupted.  She ran her finger along the slope of my nose and smiled a sad kind of smile.
    "I'm sorry," I said.
    "Don't be sorry," she said."  The Secret Life of Bees, by Sue Monk Kidd

"O gracious Father, who openest thine hand and fillest all things living with plenteousness:  Bless the lands and waters and multiply the harvest of the world; let thy Spirit go forth, that it may renew the face of the earth; show thy loving-kindness, that our land may give her increase; and save us from selfish use of what thou givist, that men and women everywhere may give thee thanks; through Christ our Lord. Amen."  The Book of Common Prayer

"The Self is both made and explored with words, and the best for both are the words spoken in the dialogue of friendship."  Sources of The Self, by Charles Taylor

"The view of religious experience being proposed here is one wherein God is known, not by reason and inference as such, nor by feeling and/or commitment in and of themselves.  Rather, God is known through responding to that which transcends yet is present in the experiential dimensions comprising human existence in general - namely nature, persons, emotions and ideas.  Each dimension and context of our experience contains within itself, indeed is bounded by, an element of mystery which when responded to may be said to carry with it the potential for divine disclosure. This element of mystery is of course to be distinguished from as yet unsolved problems and/or lack of information in a given field.  It is rather to be thought of as that which in principle remains unexplainable within any dimension of experience, thus giving rise to an awareness of our own limitations and to the possibility of transcendent dimensions."  On Knowing God, by Jerry Gill

"If one could run without getting tired, I don't think one would often want to do anything else."  The Chronicles of Narnia - The Last Battle, by C.S. Lewis

"I am telling you your story, not hers. I tell no one any story but his own."  The Chronicles of Narnia - The Horse and his Boy, by C.S. Lewis


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